if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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