the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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