she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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