When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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