I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
