It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
