there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
