I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
