apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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