Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
