i love accidental penises.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
