i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
