thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
