so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
