and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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