Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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