Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
