I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Less talking, more tequila
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
