Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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