I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize