Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize