I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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