David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
