You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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