my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
