It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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