i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
