I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nicole vs. Life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
