I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
