My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
