That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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