I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
