did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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