he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
