Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
