he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
