And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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