My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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