I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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