Moan for me like Helen Keller
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
