Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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