hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
