Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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