you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I enjoy the company of your penis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
