so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
