you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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