I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
