So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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