My friends, they love my intelligence
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
