3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
