I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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