happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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