My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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