May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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