Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
