The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
