I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
