we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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